Being in a full-time job this summer is really great - I'm getting the opportunity to save a lot of money for the upcoming school year and, on top of that, I'm able to maintain a good-yet-flexible schedule (and we know this girl needs a schedule!). I love being around my family all the time, I love the freedom of not having to do any work, of relaxing, planning fun weekend trips, having the choice of curling up in my bed at 7:30 pm to binge-watch Netflix or YouTube -- all the wonderful things about summer. But, as much as I've learned about banking, people, and myself over the last month or so, I've only confirmed my prior beliefs: banking isn't what my heart is in.
Theater, on the other hand, is something that my heart is 110% invested in for life (or, at the very least, for the foreseeable future - maybe I'll pull a Meghan Markle and fall in love with a prince and leave an acting career to live happily ever after, who knows). Which brings me to a slight moral dilemma.
Money is something that everyone, everywhere, is worried about at any given time. In high school, I worked jobs here and there: first as an occasional babysitter, then at a shaved ice/ice cream parlor, then consistently as a tutor/house/pet/baby sitter. I understood how money works, and I knew how to save money for things that I wanted, paid for my own gas, yada yada. I never really understood money, however, until I actually moved to New York and started living on my own, where in the last few months especially, I've really begun to gain an understanding of what financial responsibility really is.
I'm not going to sugarcoat it: the cost of living of New York City is not pretty. And probably not surprising to most people, considering how big of a city it really is. While I haven't done too much research about the cost of apartments, as right now I live on-campus, I can tell you right now that what I'm getting paid each month at my summer job might just be enough to afford rent, and maybe some food - and that's not including any money to go to savings, or any emergency funds.
And, quite frankly, that really scares me.
Which brings me to my moral dilemma: Do I do what I love, or do I do what I must?
To clarify - acting has never been seen as a job with a steady income. It's likely that, after I graduate, I will be reliant on consistently finding work; instead of landing one job and sticking it, I will most likely have to go through the same cycle of searching and finding jobs throughout my career. While I know of many people who are lucky enough to be able to live off of their acting careers, I have lately started to question myself, my abilities, and my future. Being an adult is scary sometimes.
Then, a couple weeks ago, I was fortunate enough to be able to go see the touring production of Les Miserables with my mother in Seattle. Witnessing such a spectacular show (along with some other great shows, musicals, and movies that I've watched while at home) really struck a chord with me - no pun intended. When I'm sitting in my teller window on a slow day at work, scrolling through the various reading materials about how to redeem a savings bond or trying to figure out why my cash drawer isn't in balance, I'm reminded of how much I really, truly, deeply love acting and music. I honestly don't know where my life would be without them.
It's not that I don't enjoy my job. In fact, I actually really like the people I work with and the various connections I've made, and I'm glad to be in a job that has given me so much experience in lots of different things. But at the same time, working this full time, 9-to-5 job has only really solidified that acting is what I want to do more than anything in the world.
I love acting. I love it with a passion. And when you love something, somehow, you are willing to make any sacrifices required to keep on loving said thing. Let's go back to talking about Meghan Markle (can you tell who I'm obsessed with lately?): she fell madly in love with Prince Harry, so much so that she was willing to give up her entire career, social media, and even one of her dogs to move across the world and spend her life with him. That's what you do for love. That's what I'd do for love.
So maybe acting isn't an incredible lucrative career for the majority of people who have a go at it. At the end of the day, I don't care. I know myself - I'm a hard worker, I'm determined, and I'm crafty, and if I want to be able to live in New York City and be an actor, I know I will find a way to do it.
My parents always instilled the belief in me that I could do anything I wanted to, and unless something happens to prove to me that that isn't true, I will continue to forge ahead and make my life what I want it to be (as I also encourage you to do, because no matter who you are, you are enough and have the to power to be who you want to be).
Lots of love,
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