In My Eyes: Life with OCD

Mental illness is something that is both covered a ton and not covered much in the media.

That's a pretty confusing idea, but here's what I mean: It doesn't take a long time down the YouTube vortex to find tons of videos of YouTubers speaking out about their mental illness (very commonly, anxiety and depression).

There is an often talked-about stigma surrounding people with mental illness. Sometimes, it's hard to imagine that a normal-looking and acting person is carrying around a bigger issue. It can also be hard to accept that someone is actually struggling when they look completely fine. However, mental illness is so common - about 1 in 5 adults and 1 in 5 children (13-18) in the U.S. experience mental illness.

I am just one of those people.


Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, or OCD, is often seen in the media's eyes as one of two ends of the spectrum: hoarders or neat freaks. While someone might make the remark, "You're so OCD" to a friend who likes things done a certain way, OCD is much more than arranging your desk just right or making sure your pencils are all straight. As John Green says in his video on his life with OCD (which I would highly recommend to watch), the characteristics of someone with OCD doesn't accurately describe what it is like to have OCD - "those are things you can see... they're behaviors you can portray in a movie."

About 1 in 40 U.S. adults have OCD, so every experience is different, but this is what OCD is like in my own personal experience.

Not having control is terrifying. 

Because OCD is an anxiety disorder, I often feel worried, stressed, or scared in lots of different situations. For me, and many others, not being in control of a situation makes it scarier (think: large crowds, strange people, etc.). When going places, I often worry about what could happen. It doesn't only apply to traveling; I could worry going to the grocery store or when I get a cold or when a person near me coughs.

These feelings manifest themselves into behaviors I can control - the part people usually think of when they think of OCD. When I'm feeling stressed, I often clean my room, straighten things up, make lists, or take time with my planner. These little things I do have control of, my plans and the cleanliness of my room, make me feel better when the anxiety gets rough.

Not everyone's experience is the same.

While some people obsess over cleanliness, like me, others have compulsive habits that can include repetitive actions (i.e., having to touch a certain doorknob before leaving the room) or hoarding. How people experience OCD, as well as other mental illnesses, is unique to them.

Just because someone looks okay, doesn't mean they are.

The last thing I wanted this post to turn in to was a self pity party. This is an important takeaway, though. People are astounding at hiding from the world what's inside. While suffering from mental illness isn't something that you can directly help with, it always is a good reminder to treat people in a kind way. Even just a smile may help someone's day. 

Of course, dealing with OCD has good days and bad days, but in the end, it doesn't define who I am (even if it accounts for lots of my habits). With help from my mom, who also has OCD, and support from my lovely friends and family, I've come to a place where I'm happy with myself and with my life, even if some days are harder than others. I'm proud of who I am and nothing could change that.

 And, if you suffer from mental illness, it doesn't define you either. 

If you or a loved one are suffering from a mental illness, make sure to get help - you're not alone. Don't let mental illness define you. There are plenty of ways to reach out for help. Don't ever forget that you're not alone. 

Lots of love,